“Isn’t anyone else blown away by this? How is it that we can experience being someone else in a Constellation? How is it possible?” This was a comment made by a psychology student when I participated in my first constellation. Those who are new to Constellations are often anxious they will not be able to do it. They always manage though, even a lack of sensation is relevant to the role they have been chosen to represent.
When I step into and represent someone in a client’s system and Field, it is like dipping my hand into a bucket of cold or warm water. I notice the difference in temperature because it differs to my body temperature. The contrast between my sensations and yours helps me to navigate your field. It is the same for any outsider who represents in your system. The contrast aids perception. The more I am familiar with my sensations the better I am able to recognise sensations that are not mine.
With experience over the years, I discovered that my ability to perceive the sensations and experiences in a role and during facilitation is more acute the more centred and embodied I am. A quality and ability of the psyche that, I believe, is enhanced by a regular awareness meditation practice. The sort that uses sensation as the object of awareness, which develops our inner kinaesthetic sense. Auditory and visual meditations can also be used but I recommend starting with the kinaesthetic approach first.
With regular awareness meditation you will notice how we, as humans, automatically slip into a mode of holding-on and pushing-away. We do it in an instant without even realising. Think of how quickly you’ve spat something bad out of your mouth or taken another mouthful of icecream. We do it all of the time and it has been relevant to our survival over aeons of evolution on planet earth. It still is.
With the bad food we experienced an unpleasant sensation, with the icecream a pleasant one. It makes sense to spit the bad food out, but what about the unpleasant sensations (difficult emotions) caused by conflict with one’s sister? We could walk away from our sister and the unpleasant sensation we feel, avoiding them from this point onwards for the rest of our days. Or we could remain present with the discomfort we are feeling and work through the issue.
When we extend this holding-on and pushing-away into a system of human beings we start excluding members of a system that trigger unpleasant sensations in us. For example, anger. We do this by actively rejecting or simply avoiding someone. However, all who are familiar with systems know that, nothing can be truly excluded. Other members of the system will fill in the gap that exclusion has left and we are back where we started with unpleasant sensations being triggered by that new person, the gap-filler.
This, I believe, is the reason one cannot easily facilitate or represent for a friend or family member. We share the same judgements and the contrast between our sensations and energy is not sufficient to perceive the difference and therefore accurately report on it. Worse, we may even reinforce a friend or family member’s tendency to reject and exclude.
However, to move into inclusive and expansive state of awareness, a state of non-judgement, we must do the opposite. It starts with you simply being aware of where you feel pleasant and unpleasant sensations in your body and allowing them just to be there. If they want to change, we do not prevent them, we let them change. If pleasant sensations want to go, when do not hold onto them, we let them go. If an unpleasant sensation arises, we do not push them away, we let them be there.
With practice, you will become familiar with your sensations and tendencies of holding / rejecting and easily enter spaces of still-centredness. It will become part of your day to day life. These are states of awareness where you can allow sensations and thoughts to arise uninhibited. Facilitation naturally moves us into these states and you will be comfortable and know how to operate from here. You will experience a more defined sense of contrast between your state of awareness and the system you are in. The hand in cold or warm water analogy.
Being in a state of awareness with any sensation that arises in your body or any experience that arises in a system you are facilitating is Presence. And it is Presence that heals. I have experienced how Being Present with “what is” in a family system increases that capacity of the system to experience hidden pain and trauma. The members of the system are then able to acknowledge what they did not have the capacity to acknowledge before. This brings about powerful release and healing movements. Families can find peace and members actually look at what was not allowed before. This could spell renewed tensions between family members but they will now have the capacity and insight to work through them.
Every system wants to reach a state of balance and order, this is our role as facilitators. When we facilitate with Presence the information one perceives in a field is more defined, even if it is numbness, anxiety, disconnect or pain. We can help the client and system to feel and bring about inclusion in a resourcing way. The clarity Presence brings highlights the source of trauma, the level of exclusion and systemic loyalties.
Truly a system knows how to heal, we simply need to be with it in Presence. More for another article.
Please share your thoughts we me, any constructive comments are welcome.